10 Jun

… and I’m being really generous with my tally there. He is a REALITY MAN WHORE, as is evident from the below chronology of his career, and its escalating absurdity:


1. Newlyweds: Classic, of course. The show that really birthed the reality genre. I once was on vacation and found a disc of Season 1 someone had left behind in a drawer. I was SO HAPPY. No complaints here Nick, this was good shit.


2. Clash of The Choirs: Remember this show? Technically it was a mini series where Nick along with some other marginally famous musicians created choirs of people from their hometowns to compete against one another. This was actually great television too. Still doing fine Nick, and a reality show tally of 2 is reasonable.

The Sing-Off

3. The Sing-Off: Wait a sec… another choir show? This one was about a capella groups so I get the attraction. But Nick, let’s show an ounce of restraint, or diversity, in our career selections. I also just find it really difficult to believe there was no other person alive capable of hosting a choir reality show.

Stars Earn Stripes - Season 1

4. Stars Earn Stripes: And just like that, he was off the deep end. Fucking Stars. Earn. Stripes. I want whoever invented this show to know they are an ABSURD PERSON and also to realize that I had to, out of mortal curiosity, watch at least 20 minutes of it. And those are 20 minutes I’ll never get back. I mean someone please enlighten me as to the dimension of reality that made being on this program a good career choice for Nick.


5. The Winner Is: OH but don’t worry because apparently not even a show that made a game out of military combat could tank Nick’s reality career. Tonight he debuted as host of a new singing reality show “The Winner Is”. I’ll tell you who the winner is NOT Nick… YOU. Dude have an ounce of dignity and do something else with your life other than host these D list programs. You should just be on the road with New Kids on the Block and Boyz II Men… owning and being fulfilled by the sliver of 90s pop culture that was unabashedly yours.


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