CELEBS WHO SPITE ME WITH THEIR ATTEMPTS AT BLONDE HAIR

1 Apr

tumblr_lmfyb6XXqp1qb1pb0o1_400Emma Stone: She claims to be a natural blonde, but I say PLAIN PLAIN PLAIN. Me and the rest of the world want you to be a redhead, don’t deny it.

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Shakira: Holy crap honey REIGN IT IN. You have naturally dark hair and to suggest otherwise is futile. Your roots are like a flesh eating virus that will never cease. There is a reason no other Latina women attempt to be blondes.

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Peta Murgatroyd: This evil Australia chick from Dancing With The Stars. Her hair is YELLOW and arguably the most fried I’ve ever seen. At this point all she can do is shave her head.

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Miley Cyrus: OBVI. Any questions?

Kelly Clarkson Performs In Central Park

Kelly Clarkson: I’ve worried about Kelly ever since they did the hometown visits on her season of American Idol and she showed up wearing no makeup and a plaid newsboy cap. Girl’s got pipes…but girl’s got trash. I imagine her going home at night…drawing a tattoo of a butterfly on her ankle in ballpoint pen, ordering wings, watching a marathon of NCIS.

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Olivia Wilde: I’m sorry. Is this not the girl who was so smoking hot that she turned Marissa Cooper gay? Revlon just aged her 20 years in this new campaign. She looks like a PTA president.

url-7Lindsay Lohan: And kids, remember this– if you do meth, you’ll slap God in the face and dye your red hair blonde.

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