13 Jan

Is there any greater joy than seeing those whose lives seem so enviable look unattractive? Let’s reflect on tonight’s greatest contributors:


Jessica Chastain: River boobs. What’s happening. There is room for a ferret to nestle between each fold. Also her hair emulates the rivers exactly and I really hate that.

NBC's "70th Annual Golden Globe Awards" - Red Carpet Arrivals

Lucy Liu: Alright. When a person wears something like this, they know 100% that they are going to end up on worst dressed lists. Spare us Lucy Liu. This is Marie Antoinette meets wallpaper meets wasting my time.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Sienna Miller: This is a daisy tank top and skirt. In fact its a very literal translation of a drawing that I made at age 7, with one of those  vibrating doodle pens. She is also wearing both earrings on the same ear… come on girl get real!

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Eva Longoria: It goes without saying that this is just a carbon copy of Angelina’s leg stunt. Except made infinitely worse by the faux hawk. It also really bothers me when people dress so aggressively when aren’t even nominated for an award, or of importance to the industry.

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Taylor Swift: And Taylor how DARE you make me blog you! The top half of this dress is a silhouette I wore to my 8th grade graduation, the bottom half is 20 pounds of purple syrup. If you’re trying to stick it to Harry, epic fail.


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