SPERM SHOES

24 Aug

I guess if you’re really going to be literal about it, sperm are pretty fast. But if I fed cans of Four Loko to a frat house, and then asked them to come up with a running shoe logo, I’m pretty positive none of them would suggest sperm. I’m too upset to form rational sentences, so I’m going to have to list the sins they’ve committed:
-The name Gravity Defyer, made worse by the ‘g’ and ‘defy’ in a different color. That design decision makes me want to give up hope forever.
-All the text is ‘my story’, though the person is never identified. Show your face fool.
-An energy drink is being poured ON the shoe. Now the shoe is ruined. And are you selling energy drinks? No.
-These cost $130 BUT there is a 30 day satisfaction guarantee! Well, shit. Who needs Nike with a deal like that.
-You know that moment when you are in a waiting room and you can choose a serious magazine, or US Weekly? For the rest of your lives, read trash without abandonment. Because this ad ran in NEWSWEEK

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