What sins has Taylor Kitsch committed which prevent him from having a wildly successful career post Friday Night Lights? How does every man not want to be him. How does every girl not have a fleece blanket emblazoned with his face serving as their bedspread. Seriously America, wake the f*ck up and please never make him act in something as outrageous as John Carter ever again. This movie looks like it was written by some man child whose Mom tired of hearing their Star Wars DVDs every night, and urged them to find something new to obsess over.